Steps to Healing

Complete healing can only come from God. However, there are steps to healing that you can implement that will facilitate His healing work in your heart and life.

1) One of the most important steps to healing is prayer. God will not force healing on you, you need to ask Him for it. You can choose to wallow in your sorrow and grief and to adopt a lifestyle of bitterness and resentment or you can choose to ask God to comfort, deliver and heal you (Luke 11:9).

God is always listening and He is your constant companion. That will never change. Bring all of your cares to God and receive the peace God promises in His Word (Philippians 4:6-7).

2) One of the steps to healing that works hand in hand with prayer is reading God's Word. The Bible is full of God’s expressions of love for you. It is also full of God's promises to you that you can claim in prayer. For example: God promises to meet all your needs (Philippians 4:19) He also promises that His grace is sufficent for you (2 Corinthians 12:9). Soak up the comfort and power of God’s promises for your life.

God’s Word is a source of new life (1 Peter 1:23) and is food for your spirit (1 Peter 2:2).

God’s Word is truth. When you are trying to navigate your way through the confusion and emotions of divorce, God’s Word will cut through the clutter and reveal the truth so you can deal with the real issues instead of the symptoms. (Hebrews 4:12)

3) One of the often overlooked steps to healing, is worship. Take the focus off of yourself and put your focus on the all-powerful, all knowing God who loves you. While worship can take many forms, nothing lifts my spirits like songs of praise. Even if I am too upset myself to sing (not that I can carry a tune), just being surrounded with voices singing praises to God is uplifting. You know, in the end, every creature in heaven and on earth will be singing praises to God the Father and Jesus the Lamb (Revelation 5:13).

Praise gives rise to victory. In 2 Chronicles 20:15-22 we see Judah, when confronted by Moab and Ammon, completely victorious without having to lift a finger. Why? Because they trusted in the Lord and as they headed out to battle, men singing praises to the Lord went out ahead of the army. As they sang, the Lord set ambushes and destroyed all who set out to harm them.

As you sing, speak and shout praises to God, His power goes before you vanquishing the darkness that seeks to come against you.

4) One of the steps to healing that I drew a lot of encouragment from is reaching out to others. You can get a great deal of emotional support through confiding in others. Talking to a trusted confident like a counselor, pastor, or friend can help you work through the issues you are wrestling with and put things into perspective. Talking to those who have been divorced or are going through a divorce, such as in a support group, can be especially helpful.

Don’t be afraid to reach out for help if you need it in other areas too. If you need food, clothing, a ride, childcare or whatever else you find you are unable to provide, ask for help. Divorce is a life altering crisis and you will have a much easier time getting through it if you make your needs known and trust God to provide for those needs. Many churches and communities have programs in place to help in a time of crisis and to assist you in getting your life back on track. Ask your pastor, counselor or others who work with families in your community to direct you to the help you need.

5) As you work through the steps to healing and God speaks to your heart, you may find journaling very beneficial. The Isrealites in the desert turned to idol worhsip because they quickly forgot all God had done for them (Exodus 32:1-8). We too need to be reminded often of what God has done for us. As you continue on your journey of recovery, you can flip back in your journal and see the healing progress you are making as you work through the stages of divorce.

Writing down what you are feeling can be invaluable. When your mind is full of thoughts and confusion, writing out how you are feeling helps take things off your mind and put them on paper to deal with later. I have found that if I write something down, I feel like I no longer have to work at thinking about it or remembering it.

It can be very therapeutic to write things down that no one will ever see. You can be completely honest and open with yourself and talk through your problems on paper. You don’t have to pretend or season your thoughts to avoid offending or hurting anyone. Just write it down and destroy it after, if you must.

Journaling is not just useful for venting your frustrations but can be very helpful in putting into perspective the things you do have and should be thankful for. As you record the things you are grateful for, give praise and honor to God for providing them. Write at least one thing you are thankful for each day. You will always have something to be thankful for. You woke up this morning filled with the breath of life – thank you Lord. You ate something today – thank you Lord. God’s mercy is new everyday – thank you Lord.

6) One of the steps to healing that allows you to say everything you wanted to say to your ex is writing them a letter. There is apt to be many things you wish they knew and that you wish you had said. Some of those things, if you said them, may cause even more hurt and problems.

Instead of engaging in an argument, you can write everything you want to say in a letter to them. Write it as though they are sitting across the table from you and pretend they are hearing you so you can get the closure you need. However, DO NOT MAIL IT to them. Do not post it on Facebook or send it out to your email list. Get what you need to get off your chest, off your chest and destroy it.

Not only does writing a letter to your ex allow you to say everything you have ever wanted to say, it also finishes the battle. Never giving them the letter closes the door on arguments or rebuttals. Having said what you needed to say, you are free to move on.

7) Another helpful step to healing is reading books about divorce There is an endless supply of books about divorce written from a Christian perspective. Some of them share stories about people who have come through the difficulties of divorce and survived; others may be devotionals that can re-ignite hope after divorce. It can be very encouraging to hear about how others have navigated the storm of divorce and how God has helped them through.

There are many secular books on divorce as well. As you move through the steps to healing, you will discover God is the only source of divorce healing. You will want to focus your energy on reading books that direct you to that source.

What Steps to Healing Have Helped You?

Tell what steps to healing have helped you heal from your divorce? Has something else helped with your healing process? Help others by sharing what has worked for you!

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