What Does Reconciliation Mean?

Reconciliation does not mean your marriage has been restored even though it could lead to that.

To fully understand what it does mean, you need to take at look at your relationship with God. Before becoming a Christian, you are an enemy of God, hostile and far from being on friendly terms (Ephesians 2:11-15). When you are reconciled to God through the blood of Christ (Romans 5:10), you become friends with God and are no longer separated from him by sin (1 John 1:3).

To be reconciled to your estranged spouse means you both have chosen the path of forgiveness and peace. You both choose to be a friend/ally to each other instead of an enemy; amicable instead of hostile.

Reconciliation, like love, is a choice. It is not a feeling that everything is all better and the hurt is all gone. It is a decision to continue to choose to forgive and not to embrace anger and resentment.

Why Do I Need To Be Reconciled?

First, you must be reconciled to God.

God is not reconciled to you as if it were partially His fault sin created a separation between you and Him. God took the initiative to offer a way that you can be reconciled to him. He made Christ, who had no sin, to be sin for you so that through his blood, you might be reconciled to Him
(2 Corinthians 5:18-21).

It is you who has moved away from God because of your sin. You must confess your sin and accept the gift of forgiveness and salvation God so freely offers, so that you may become a child of God instead of an enemy of God.

You must also reconciled to others.

Matthew 5:21-24, says before you come to the altar, you are to go and reconcile with any brother (or sister) who has anything against you. Jesus warns that anyone who is angry with his brother (or sister) will be subject to judgment. In this passage, Jesus tells the offender to go and make the wrong right. In Matthew 18, Jesus tells the one who is offended to go and make things right. The responsibility for reconciliation therefore, is with both the offended and the offender.

When you make an effort to be reconciled to someone who is at odds with you, there is no guarantee how they will act and respond. However, you can be certain of God’s help when you make every effort to be at peace with all men (Romans 12:18).

The speed with which reconciliation occurs during divorce recovery is partially dependent on which of the causes of divorce were present in the marriage breakdown. If the divorce was brought about by a deep betrayal such as adultery, a lot of divorce healing may need to take place before the one who was betrayed is able to be amicable. As in any divorce, the hurt and emotions will be raw in the beginning and will need to be worked through. You will find there are several different stages of divorce that you may experience as you go through your divorce recovery.

Reconciliation is particularly important if there are children involved. You are both still the parents of the children and you will be partners in that task for the rest of your children’s lives. Parenting is difficult enough at the best of times. It is essential as parents, even though no longer married to each other, to cooperate in parenting for the best interest of the children.

Children will sense if there is animosity between their parents and they will use that to their advantage by pitting one parent against the other to get what they want. Anger and bitterness between parents also creates a stressful and unhealthy environment for children.

The need to be peaceable with your ex-spouse exits even if the marriage is ended. While the relationship may become amicable, it is possible the marriage may not be restored.

Have You Reconciled?

Have you been able to be friends with your spouse even if your marriage has not been restored? Why or why not?
Has being reconciled to God helped you be amicable with your spouse? If so, how?

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What does restoration mean?



Return from Reconciliation to Save Your Marriage


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