Nicole Psenica's (Boldog) Betrayal

by Robert
(Barrington, IL)

The most difficult part of our current separation and upcoming divorce has been the betrayal and lies that my wife has perpetuated.
Yesterday I was talking to my Ex-Wife from my 1st marriage inquiring about my son who was sick. During that conversation she relayed to me what Nicole had told her the day after she left in August 2013. She stated that Nicole had told her that I emotionally abused her for the entire 7 years of our marriage. It was just another slap in the face and attack on my honor & integrity. I struggle to understand how this woman that I ALWAYS treated like a princess could say these hurtful things about me.

Soon after she left I found out from my 2 son’s from my first marriage that Nicole had been telling them that I was yelling at her all of the time. When they questioned her as they had never witnessed it they were told that it happened on the weekend they were with their other parents. As we talked through that topic, I learned that Nicole had been encouraging them to lie to me about a number of other things as well. They stated that this confused them because when together Nicole and I ALWAYS stressed integrity and truth to all our boys. I shudder to think what she has told to my two step sons whom I am unable to see or speak to.

I know that I need to just shrug off these type of lies but they are incredibly hurtful as well as confusing to me. What happened to the woman I married? That woman was beautiful, humble, merciful, and loving to everyone. Nicole was dedicated to the Lord as well as our family. For the last three years as I have implored her to work with me on our marriage she insisted that we had the best marriage around and that the problems existed solely in my mind. While telling me that she was going behind my back telling the most unbelievable stories about me to others.
It is my goal through this separation and eventual divorce to remain loving, merciful, and honorable regardless of what Nicole does. I have to say that it is a struggle to survive in that environment of betrayals and lies.

I was encouraged to complete the "FireProof" movie love dare. Rather than actually do each item I was encouraged to write out how I would complete that if my wife was still with me. Based on what that small group leader told me that would help soften my heart towards Nicole. I am planning on starting that this week to give it a try.

Comments for Nicole Psenica's (Boldog) Betrayal

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Aug 10, 2015
Thank You
by: Robert

Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for your comments, insight, and prayers. You are correct. As I look back I realize that many of the things I communicated could have been done differently. I was in a state of emotional devastation at the time and was having difficulty comprehending what was happening and subsequently responding. All I remember from that time frame was that I desperately wanted my wife and children to return home and for our marriage to be healed.
If my understanding is correct I will respectfully disagree with your statement that there are three sides to every story. I have learned that there is only one side to every story and that is God’s. Our propensity for selfishly focusing on ourselves distorts the truth that God has prepared for us. If we can humble ourselves, submit to his will, and love as he does his plan is wonderfully revealed and is always more beautiful than we could have imagined.
Sadly, Nicole proceeded with the divorce which was finalized on June 17th of this year. As I reflect back on the year and a half that I waited for her I am able to see both my successes and failures. It’s evident that when I let God steer the ship his mercy and direction brought boundless protection, joy, and blessings into my life. On the flip side when I was steering the ship my hurt and pain increased exponentially.
I learned the simple act of asking God "what would you like me to do with this?" and then only responding if and when the spirit prompts me. I’ve learned that out of pain and suffering we grow either closer or farther away from Him. I’ve set my goal to stay on His path and focus my energies on not straying. I don’t hold any animosity towards Nicole or her family and will always work on extending the same grace and forgiveness that God has given to me. I was a devoted husband and father while married to Nicole but now God has a different plan for me. I choose to have the faith in Jeremiah 29:11 and will simply walk the path He has prepared.

Aug 07, 2015
by: Anonymous

I find it interesting that the title is of her name and including her maiden name and done so by design. There are three sides to every story and this maneuver really makes me wonder about the story that was told. May God help you all.

Feb 13, 2014
Thank You
by: Anonymous

Allyson, Thank you for the encouragement. Though it is difficult at times God has been loving and merciful to me during this storm. I have always been a man that stands on honor and commitment and with the help of the Lord I have been able to keep that intact.

Like your husband my wife kept reassuring me that all was “GREAT” with our marriage. Deep down inside I knew that the problem was big but just couldn’t seem to get Nicole to open up. I have been labeled everything from “angry” to “codependent” to “obsessed”. I simply love my wife and family and am wholly committed to them. I love my wife right now by giving her the space she needs and honoring her requests to the best of my abilities.

As I heal myself I will continue to hold true to my marriage vows, pray for my wife and children, and look for opportunities to reconcile in whatever form God provides. I am working on and learning new strategies on how to overcome some of feelings of hurt and betrayal as those two emotions/feelings hinder a person’s capacity to love. I heard a great quote recently that goes like this: “NEVER DOUBT IN THE DARK WHAT GOD HAS TOLD US IN THE LIGHT”! Just as God’s mercies and grace are new each morning I have to work to be graceful and merciful each day anew.

Thank you again for the kind words and the spiritual support.

Feb 13, 2014
Betrayal Is Like A Death
by: Allyson F

I'm so sorry your going through this. Being betrayed by your spouse can feel like a death. You're in mourning for the life and love you thought you shared with your wife and accepting she was probably never who you thought she was can be very difficult.

I went through something similar. Although God has blessed me abundantly in the year and a half since my divorce the pain over what my husband did to me still lingers. Up until pretty much the time he abandoned me I also thought I had a secure marriage. Of course there were issues and struggles but I had faith in my husband and believed he'd honor his vows and fight for our marriage the way I always have.

Instead I discovered my husband had been lying to and ABOUT me for years. I discovered that while he was assuring me everything was okay between us and writing me love letters telling me what a great wife I was he was telling others a very different story. Overnight the wonderful man I thought I married became a stranger capable of almost anything. He blackmailed me, tried to steal everything I owned (he came into our marriage with very little), lied about almost everything, emotionally abused me and knowingly had me served divorce papers on the same day my Dad died. Every time I thought he couldn't hurt me anymore he reached a new low in terms of cruelty and cowardliness. To make it even worse he did all this while he was the full time worship leader at his church "If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God's church?" 1 Timothy 3:5.

I loved and trusted my husband more than anyone on this earth and his actions nearly destroyed me. I now believe he was never the man I thought he was and that he married me believing my family had more money than they actually did. He used me for what he could get and when he was done, when he'd taken everything he could, he threw me away like garbage.... That's my story in a nutshell.

I just want to encourage you to not give up because God will be faithful. When everyone else walks away He remains. He will never forsake you! You probably know all this but sometimes it helps to be reminded. "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalms 34:18 Don't give up my friend!

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Surviving Divorce.