I had to separate due to abuse

by Lee
(UK)

I married an American guy who I met on Christian Cafe online. I hardly knew him, but felt pressured into marriage and I only consented because I had left my job in the UK and sold my car with the intent of going over for 3 months to get to know him a little better. However, he asked me a few days after I arrived in America, not honouring the fact I had asked him to wait longer before he popped the question, and when I told him it was a bit soon, he couldn't understand why I would need more time and I wasn't as sure as he was, and told me just to go home (I wish I had now). I thought the doubts were my inability to make a choice about anything and decided because I had just got there that week, that I would go for it and hope it was God's will for me.

The verbal abuse started almost from the beginning. Then 2 months later he ran me up the stairs with force and locked us in the bathroom, demanded my phone and started deleting male friend's and family member numbers, calling me all the names of the day, I was terrified. I thought he was going to kill me. So the next morning I called a friend who I had luckily met there, and she came and got me and took me to her house where I stayed the week.

Of course, my husband was full of remorse and begged me back the whole week away, I know the pattern of abusive men, but I thought because he seemed genuinely repentant before God over it and I was a Christian, that I should give him another chance, so I did!

Well, he never got physical again (apart from throwing things against the wall right beside me), but he'd blow up on me over the smallest things, mistakes I would make, my homesickness, my insecurity about whether he actually loved me, anything challenging to him. He'd yell and scream at me, calling me all the names under the sun, I was trembling and in hysterics. It seemed to make him worse, instead of making him feel bad enough to stop doing it!

I got pregnant, not planned of course, I was so worried, I knew I was certainly trapped now.

We planned to go back to the UK for him to finaly meet my family (he really showed no interest at all in meeting them, in fact he'd bring it up in his blow-ups how he was getting into debt for the trip and how ungrateful I was). A few days before we came to the UK, he blew up and we were talking about divorce-he was basically testing me to see what I would say concerning a divorce and when he saw I would go ahead with it, told me I wasn't going anywhere till the baby was born!

So I tried to appease him, and thought to myself, I just need to get safely home, this guy is completely insane. So, out of some miracle, we arrived in the UK. He made a real effort with my family and they all liked him.

After the 2 weeks he was here, he left and I stayed on. I decided the only thing to do was stay here and tell him to get help, otherwise I can't ever return.

I spoke to a solicitor and they told me, even if I have the baby here, and then decide to go back to America to try to reconcile, that I could never leave the country with the baby if things got worse and I would be stuck in America, with no family/friends to support me!

I have been really praying for God's guidance, but I am so unsure of what He would want me to do in this situation! Everyone is telling me to stay here and not to go back, but then some people are saying if he repents, that I have no grounds for divorce....so confused and scared.

My husband has been phoning and confusing me even more with his empty words-which are ever so convincing!