Divorce Healing

Divorce healing takes time. The loss one feels when their marriage ends brings grief similar to that experienced with the death of a loved one. However, when a loved one dies, it is a final separation until you are reunited in heaven. With a divorce, especially if children are involved, the person you lost is still around, they just are not with you.

If you have children, you will see your ex-spouse on a regular basis. Their ongoing presence is a constant reminder of a marriage lost. Each time you see them, your emotions will stir, sometimes in unexpected ways, until you have achieved full divorce healing. If you do not have children and you run into your ex-spouse somewhere, you might experience feelings of anger, sadness, loss, grief and even jealousy. These emotions can surface months or even years after the initial separation even though you may have thought you were over it.

Divorce healing does not happen overnight. People have often shared with me that one of their biggest frustrations in the recovery process is when well meaning friends and family advise them that “it is time to get over it and move on”. Regardless of how much time has passed, everyone mends at their own pace. Denying your feelings does not facilitate recovery. Wallowing in them, however, is not productive either. You must meet your feelings head on and work through them. Understanding the stages of divorce can help you be aware of the different emotions you may experience as you heal.

One of the earth shattering realities of divorce is that what you may have thought was stable and reliable and would always be there - your marriage - is also subject to the whims of humanity. Like everything else, it can disappear in an instant. This reality can fill you with feelings of fear and uncertainty.

When your marriage breaks down, it can feel like the ground has been pulled out from under you. Nothing in this world is guaranteed. Everything is fragile and perishable. Everything that is, except God, the Holy Spirit and Jesus Christ (Malachi 3:6; Hebrews 13:8). When your life seems to be in a shambles, turn to the one who is always constant, always reliable, always dependable, always loving and always the same. God said He would never leave you (Hebrews 13:5; Deuteronomy 31:6; Joshua 1:5; 1 Chronicles 28:20).

If your marriage was the foundation of your life, on which everything depended, you may feel like you have nothing left to live for. If the center of your life is your marriage, your job, your kids, your looks, your status or even your possessions, you are like the foolish builder who built his house on the sand. When the storms came, his house fell with a great crash. If on the other hand, Jesus Christ is the center of your life, you are like the wise man who built his house on a rock. You are able to withstand the storms of life (Matthew 7:24-27) and draw on Him for strength (Psalm 18:2) and divorce healing.

Essentially, your ability to recover from your divorce and experience full divorce healing begins by putting your faith in Jesus Christ. Jeremiah said that if God is the one doing the healing, then he would be cured (Jeremiah 17:14). How then does God heal you? He heals you through Jesus Christ. When you put your faith in Jesus, God can heal you. Isaiah tells us that it is through the suffering Jesus took upon Him on your behalf that you are healed (Isaiah 53:5).

Jesus is no stranger to grief and sorrow. Isaiah referred to Him as the man of sorrows (Isaiah 53:3-4). Jesus, before going to the cross, said he was so full of sorrow that he could die (Matthew 26:38). Why would the Son of God allow Himself to experience such rejection and heartache? To offer you hope and renewal.

God heals and blesses the brokenhearted (Psalm 147:3; Matthew 5:4). In fact, God is so concerned about you that He keeps track of all your sorrows (Psalm 56:8). He collects your tears in a bottle and keeps a record of them. God is close to the brokenhearted and rescues them from their troubles (Psalm 24:18-19).

God is the only one who can bring you to a place of complete divorce healing. He is, after all, the one who created you in the first place. God is the great physician. God says if you draw near to him, he will in turn draw near to you (James 4:8). Jesus invites you, who are weary and carrying heavy burdens, to come to Him and He will give you rest (Matthew 11:28-29).

In the same way that you would go to the doctor if you were sick, God invites you to come to him for the remedy. A doctor will give you medicine to treat an illness but it only works if you actually take it. God also gives you some steps to healing you can take that allow you to be an active part of your own recovery but you need to use them in order for them to work.

Discover some proactive steps to healing you can take to help facilitate divorce recovery in your life?

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